Sunday, May 1, 2016

Time Off... I am anxious

Maybe I have issues, maybe I am nervous, maybe I am anxious for no reason.  I am going to miss a day of work tomorrow to help my son through something.  Not a big deal, really isn't, but he needs me and I am going to do this.

I have only taken off one other day in 2.5 years when my entire family was sick.  I took another half day when I had to put my dog down about a year ago.  Needed to do it while my kids were still at school.  Besides that, have not missed a day except for meetings, conferences, symposiums, etc.  Which don't get me wrong, is missing work in the building, but is still work related and not personal or sick.

I am blessed to never get sick, and my family is also pretty healthy (I have 3 children, a wife, dog, cat, 2 gerbils, and 2 hamsters).  I am also blessed to have a wife that is willing to stay home when those days are needed, this can not be understated in its importance.  She allows me to keep a focus on my school, which is pretty selfish at times, I will admit.

But I am still anxious, still have a feeling of guilt, although not warranted nor justified.  This is more a feeling of "what will other's think?" if I take a day off?  I think I know a lot of educators that also have this stress.

Why is that?
Why is it that educators have this moral obligation to want to show up?

I have shown up at about 50% on a few days over the past years, but I was still there. I know I need to just relax, everything will be fine, but still those worries and questions.

I don't want to come off as if I am complaining or whining... I just know that many out there also have this stress level when taking days off for personal reasons.  I feel you, I appreciate the feeling, it is maybe not normal, but I understand it.  As educators we need this feeling to push us to be better when we are there.

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