Had my regular meeting this week with my boss
We talked, and talked, and talked, but not at a loss
Great conversation as it usually, and always is
About the job, reflections, a sounding board of the biz
But I felt an emptiness, not a drive, but a hole, in the spot passion usually fills
I could certainly talk about my deficits, where I was weak, but where were the thrills?
They were sucked out by thoughts about things that mattered
Things I discussed, but seemed to be unanswered
Have I hit that wall, have I become that person that has nothing to say
It was about 1:52 when I hit this level of dismay
I was so angry at myself you have no idea, what have I done
I NEVER EVER lose the enthusiasm for my school, that I love a ton
What is up? I am not that guy?
I am a smile, a joke, one that is always up for a try
I have slept well this week and gone to the gym
I have run and been healthy, so that is not the thing
So what is it that left me feeling blahhh and empty during the meet
Like my job was not important or it was just a blank sheet
We actually ended on a good note and some good steps for me
That is usually how it goes, break it down and then vision to lead
Then back to the work of being principal
It seemed like nothing was simple
Why? when you are down, do you get dealt more trouble?
Does fate not know you should not pop the bubble?
Why when you are most busy, do you often have to make the most important decisions?
Why when you are leader or principal can you not run and hide and come up with reasons?
How can you be happy about a successful year?
And still upset you did not convince your fears?
I often wish I was in a business of just a bottom line
Where at 5 o'clock I could just say the rest of the time was mine.
Is this why I am realizing I am not in a slump, but a daze?
Am I needing that summer haze.
I know many of my students are afraid of the summer
For the stability of school creates a buffer
School vs. "real life" and what they will experience soon
This is a fear I have every single June
Is that the reason for the sagging, attitude, and quick temper?
Am I longing for the next September?
Probably not, I think this is a more personal take
And realizing even I need a break
I hesitate to admit that, as that is not who I am or who I will be
But for two and a half years #cddolphins have been pushing hard for me
I wrote this to show that we all suffer from "the wall"
How do we get past it and then stand tall?
Probably different for everyone as the mirror reflects your appearance at your place
Is this really who I want to be, when I look in the rear view mirror, at my face?