Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The Forever Problems


I need to preface all of this with the fact that I have found a love with poetry lately, therefore the reason for writing this way.  

I also want to say this is a true brain dump on an idea of "forever problems".  These problems as I write are both very serious and sometimes trivial.  

I put them all together just to get them out. These are both internal and external.
In going through this process I hope to gain a better understanding of my constant struggles and those things that I struggle with...

It was also written over many days and thoughts go in different directions.  I tried to organize them to make a little sense.  I don't know if I accomplished this goal. 

I also want it to be understood that these are just thoughts, never to be taken too seriously. Feel Free to comment on the never ending travesty! haha


It has taken a few weeks of reading, writing, and a few words I did bend
My forever problems is this thought and poem may never end

There are problems in this world that will never get solved
Problems in this world that no matter how we evolve
The problems repeat over and over, never to be resolved

There are also forever problems that come from within
From deep dark or shallow places that creep under your skin
I write this to identify them, so I can move forward, from where I have been

I do speak the truth, there are problems that will never be fixed
Things that no matter what will repeat, no matter what you add to the mix

What are my forever problems and where do they come from?


What if I could brush my shoulders off like Jay Z?
Is a stronger backbone what I need?

I refuse to believe that forever problems ever go away
They will always be there to cause you dismay

I know when I am riding high on life and feelings
It is only a matter of time before strife gets me reeling

What do I do in these moments of not glory
When actions and attitudes make me so sorry

That is a forever problem that many people get confused
They think the right saying or a joke to amuse
Will cure all, This is a thought I have refused

You say what?  You are so negative, I don't like it, I don't
Everything has a solution, you just have not found the right quote

********************************************************************

Internal problems I speak about now, not like world hunger
Which we could fix by next November

Our internal forever problems are what keep our society slow in moving
When you can trim that fat and baggage, that is when you start grooving

Sometimes they are my own actions or a reaction to others' fuss
Sometime they are totally out of my control, answer I must

In bed where I rest, under the covers when I sleep
That is where forever problems often creep

Waking up anxious, needing to write a list and get water
Hoping I don't wake up my daughters

I feel like I know what to do, to bring back harmony to myself
In situations where problems come to fruition
Emotions are a forever problem that travels in stealth
When awareness gives way to retribution

This back and forth in my head
At times drives me to where the road ends dead

I am so tired of cringing and fighting my own voices
And feeling like I have given myself no other choices

If I could recognize and dignify my feelings in the moment
I mean really understand where the problem started I meant

It usually starts with them or in my case with me
Even knowing this information makes it hard for me to forsee

My reactions to certain things I can already predict
Why can I not control this judgment?
What is the verdict?
How is it that I already lived this moment?

Why do forever problems pull bad past experiences to surface
I wish they could stay under where they can live with no purpose

It is not fair how our brains work, never shutting the door
Stay open, Stay open, information, just a little more

Shut up, Shut up! My brain is the worst
To remind me of all my mistakes
My head is going to burst!

How do I not create or worry about forever issues
Where I don't just pacify or ignore their existence

Again my voice of doubt and not being enough
Why can't I just be that guy that always stays tough?

Sometimes I think my only break is when I watch a movie or sports
Or concentrate on and play music of all different sorts

Except the feeling of never being done, never being finished, never being satisfied
That is the message and opinion I want this poem to leave you with and how I justify

To myself, that no matter what, no matter who
No matter how I feel or how petty I do

I will check myself because my time is not a waste
With problems I have no ability to taste

I will live with problems, but they will not win
They will live parallel to me like a twin

I will respect them and acknowledge their shadow
But not let them in the sun to ever really matter

All of it is exhausting and wears me down
Then I am reminded that my life is pretty grand
Some people are sleeping on the ground
And many times I have been able to put my feet in the sand

To myself I say, "just get calm"
As many of my forever problems are created by my own palms.

This is the knowledge of control that no matter what
Allows my internal forever problems to never get me too distraught

I got me, me got me, you need to be Your own biggest fan is my take
Like Aloe Blacc said, "Is you really, real, or is you really fake"

This is my world, and my brain
I am the conductor of this train

*****************************************************************

I can dive in and try to be the fixer or the saint
Or the martyr who cries wolf in a faint

When is it important to face them or better to create some distance
A forever problem in itself, decisions must be made in an instant

If I stand and face them I risk a whole lot
I now need to control my actions, my words, and my thoughts

"I am being honest" "I am just saying" is my favorite
Often I mistake that for being the bravest

If I run and hide or don't show my face
I may have to deal with guilt, anguish, anxiety, and disgrace

Problems that may or may not be bad, Problems we need to have
Problems that may make you mad, Problems that won't be fixed by dad

That avoidance is an opportunity to walk away without a smack
But do I really need to sit around and hope the eggs don't crack?

Just pretend like they aren't there and ignore
Or accept them as they pile on more and more

What does that accomplish, but make me selfish or weak?
Look at me, look at me, I am so meek

There is a line from Ludacris song that first came to mind here
It goes something like "move @#%?! get out the way!"
That is what I want to say
To my problems and yours, just get out the way!
You are keeping me from moving forward each and every day!

So much frustration, I am getting angry, my vein is popping out
I think at this point I just need to stop

**********************************************************************

Spring and Winter break never being long enough
That is a forever problem we stress over too much

I speak of cold winter days and feeling the chills
And always needing and wanting more thrills

I scream about the the roller coaster of life and head bobbing on turns
I want to never again feel as if my face has burns

Having to pay taxes, is that ever going away?
Dying and taxes, that is such a cliche'

Don't get me wrong some things are serious
And will leave you stressed, exhausted, and delirious

What about just really bad people who bring negativity
That is a forever problem of relativity

Forever problems are rampant in education
Not enough money, not enough people with dedication

Not enough supplies or unique thoughts
Too many that Pandora's outside the box has developed rot

Planned obsolescence is a major headache
Why do we still change lightbulbs, Thomas Edison first developed in 1878?

Forever problems are that each day only has 24 hours
Should I freak out about this? Why do a I bother?

I remind myself of the problems of always forgetting a thing
And how I often contradict my own thinking

How I say something and mean another
How I can never fix my brother

Forever is a problem of needing sleep and rest
And never quite feeling as if I am at my best

Phrases people repeat over and over to sound like robot regurgitation...?
Are you a cyborg, with an on switch, is all your stuff on automation?

Problem of feeling like having to rhyme
It may not work this time

Judging people and negative first impressions can lead you incorrectly
Forever problem in its depth and complexity
On how you see someone based on your own personal history

External forever problems are in many cases much easier to deal
They tend to come and go like a 5 course meal

When you know in most circumstances your control is little to none
You can laugh about many of these problems, with someone

*****************************************************************

What about getting help from a friend or loved one
Often they ask, "what's the problem?"

Right on cue you tell them your issue
And they don't listen or say it is all you

All this about problems and not having solutions or plans
What if I just realize I am what I am

So much analysis up to this point of problems near and far
Where has it gotten me, but stuck not wanting to get out of the car

This part is short as I think you deal with most problems on your own, you are the one
I love to collaborate and share when I have ideas
But those types of interactions are based on needs
Not speech within yourself that is never forever ever done

***********************************************************************

I wish I was Yoda and could lift rocks with my brain
Totally self-actualized, with the force and never care about the rain

Problems you speak, solutions you have none
Feelings you have, "let go!" young padawan

Confusion, anger, frustration, give up your thoughts
Answers are trouble, hitch, fault, quandary, use you may not

Move the rocks with your brain activity
while standing upside down and defying gravity

Sorry, my forever problem of going off topic and dialogue
Brought me to this tangent on the planet of Dagobah

***********************************************************************

Forever problems are not to be solved like a puzzle we put together
They are not to be worried about and stressed over forever

I think the solutions are somewhere in between
Where I am aware and acknowledging
But I don't create a big scene

It is not easy to let go, I use breath, exercise, and an attitude undying
But everyday I am still questioning myself and feel like I am just trying

I run miles to think through forever problems in life
My knees hurt, my back hurts, I don't want to go under the knife

Forever problems I would say are mostly internal
If we never solve, should not be the concern
Realizing where they fit and making them livable
Is the struggle where I can finally learn

Where I care and can console or be heard
But if I don't change minds, do the lines get blurred

Changing my own mind is the hardest one of all
To know forever problems are ready when I fall

Take me or leave me, love me or hate me, without a doubt
Internal forever problem is me trying to figure me out

When I realize all problems come to me in a twitch
Where I have total control of the on and off switch

But if I compare it to our inevitable end game of dying
Can't I find a way to mend, and make sure to never stop trying

We only have so much time to do what we want and need
Do I really solve my forever problems or worry more about being free?

Free of the feelings, emotions, and myself holding me back
A full force tactic would be a definite different attack

I would argue each day brings new, leave yesterday behind
For sometimes history does not need to remind

Each day is new, each day is another chance
This has to be my always stance

Look at my face, look in my eyes
A second, third, even fourth attempt you might have to give this guy

The forever problem here is not every day will be the same
How much fun would that make the game?

Be confident in that all problems don't need to be solved
I think that is when you are truly evolved

********************************************************************

Arguing over forever problems is a waste of energy
I want to rid them from myself like a bad allergy

Until you can release your anger, obsession, and face
The inevitable truth of how you arrived at this place

Good luck to me my friend
For I have already sealed my end

Talk to myself, talk to others, talk to the world
But don't let "forever problems" take a hold

How do I end this menagerie of thoughts, feelings, and personal insights
With a joke about my own plight

I remember when I first became elementary admin
I asked a 7 year old to stop acting like a child
That is a "forever problem" I had with him
He was acting appropriately for his type of wild

Reflect, think, try to be better for "forever problems" are not going
They will never leave, I hate that... but except it is part of growing

















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